Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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