guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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