i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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