If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
