Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
