it was like his penis was on wheels.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
