I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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