Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize