She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
