I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
