so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
