its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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