you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
