i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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