It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
