the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Randomize
