erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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