hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize