I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
