I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I need to stop coming to work sober
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
