No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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