My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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