Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
