im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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