May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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