i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
