Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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