i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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