p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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