we have pet lesbian snakes
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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