I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize