is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
