Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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