just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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