I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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