My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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