What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
