my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
