before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
last night I used snow as a chaser
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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