everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?