first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress