My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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