saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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