Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
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I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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