i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
