I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I believe in your delicious
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
