seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
