at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
