I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
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I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
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I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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