idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
