we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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