I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
