Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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