dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
