Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
