I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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