I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
