It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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