He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
