Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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