Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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