apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
