I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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