Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
