I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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