apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
