all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
